Kyle McMillan

“McMillan, Kyle Winston Gordon - Passed peacefully on November 5, 2008 in the warmth of his home surrounded by friends, family and those who he loved most.”

My name is Steve Cameron and this is my first posting on the Friends For Life blog. I am sad to say that this posting is in response to a recent tragedy.

On the morning of Wednesday November 5, 2008 one of the most courageous men I have ever met passed away after a long and hard fought battle with cancer.

Since I was diagnosed with cancer in 2001, I have been reluctant to talk about the disease. I despise the illness and what it does to people. As a cancer survivor, I can relate to the pain and suffering that those living with the disease must face on a daily basis. It is tough to go back to that place; it rekindles emotions and anxieties that no human should have to face. That being said, I feel that it is important - now more then ever - for me to take a moment to reflect on my thoughts.

Cancer, it seems, touches us all. After my battle with lymphoma, I was forced to watch as the disease threatened my mother’s life. She fought courageously; and she survived. Others have not been so lucky. I watched as the disease claimed the life of a close childhood friend. I stood idly by as my grandfather went toe-to-toe with the illness; and now, in the most recent of tragedies, I have been forced to accept the passing of a good friend -Kyle McMillan.

I met Kyle in my second year at university when he came to Guelph to visit my roommate Sean. Kyle went to school in Victoria B.C. and, therefore, was not a regular visitor to our house. Last year, I got a call from Sean telling me that his friend Kyle had been diagnosed with cancer. I asked if it would be alright for me to give Kyle a call to let him know that I knew what he was going through. Sean gave me Kyle’s phone number and from that point forward, we developed a special relationship.

Although we were never best friends, Kyle and I shared a deep bond. We both understood the feelings of anxiety, pain, fear, hurt, weakness and vulnerability that are associated with cancer and the treatments it requires. This kind of understanding, I would argue, can only be fully appreciated by those individuals who have lived with such a devastating disease. There are no words to truly describe the way chemotherapy makes you feel; however, being able to talk to someone who has been there before can be comforting and inspiring. When I spoke with Kyle, I could tell what he was thinking without having to hear him say it. It was a bond that we shared; it was a bond that led to a friendship.

As Kyle began his treatments of radiation, I saw in him many things I remembered seeing in myself when I was going through my cancer treatments. I saw a scared kid who was trying as hard as he could to be brave. I watched Kyle prepare for the ensuring battle. Like myself, he remained bold on the outside; however, I knew that on the inside, he was truly scared shitless. Kyle was prepared to take on whatever he had to in order to battle the cancer. He was determined to fight and he wasn’t going to let anything get in his way.

Through the pain and the agony, I also saw a guy with a great group of friends who were determined to stick by his side; supporting him through thick and thin. I remember being sick and losing what I thought were a lot of good friends. However, over the course of my illness, a core group of friends and family members emerged. These individuals stuck with me through everything. They gave me the strength I needed to fight for my life.

Kyle’s situation was no different. After his diagnosis, I saw his friends and his family members unite. They vouched to support Kyle through the good times and the bad. They provided him with love and support; strength and compassion; wisdom and courage. They stood by Kyle until the very end.

Kyle was a guy who was loved by all and hated by none. After listening to the stories at his funeral, one repeated comment was that Kyle had no enemies. He never had a negative word to say about anyone and he possessed the uncanny ability to brighten the lives of those around him. He was a warm hearted spirit who loved to dance, sing and be the life of the party. Through his love of life, he affected so many people in such a positive way.

One of those people was Kyle’s girlfriend Sue. Sue stood by Kyle’s side from day one. She was his friend, his companion and his number one caregiver. When Kyle got sick, she dropped what she was doing to be with him and support him through his battle. Sue made a promise to Kyle and was determined to stick it out. When I was sick I also had a girlfriend who stood by my side. She let me lean on her for an entire year. I remember how helpful it was to have somebody like that in my life. I know that it meant everything to Kyle that Sue was able to be there for him when he needed it the most. Sue gave Kyle stability, love, strength and determination; and I know for a fact that her support meant everything to him.

It was a pleasure to have met Kyle. When I was diagnosed with cancer at 16 I was angry. I did not understand the complexity of what I was facing. The older I get, however, the more I understand. Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that one of the reasons why I got sick was to help others who are going through the same thing. It was an honor and privilege to have met Kyle and to be considered his friend. Ironically, if it wasn’t for cancer, we would likely have never developed that friendship.

What Kyle has done for me and my life is miniscule compared to the way he influenced his long time friends and family members. He loved and cared for each of them individually. It is through them that his legacy will live on – forever.

Kyle lived his twenty-two years as a hero, a champion, a survivor and a fighter. He will be remembered as a friend, a brother, a son, an uncle and a soul mate.

An extraordinary soul who lit up a room with his presence and humour, Kyle faced life’s challenges head on. He lived life to the fullest and in return those around him felt his strength, his courage, his greatness and his relentless selflessness.

“Kyle will live forever in our hearts.”